Saturday, October 13, 2007

Pillow V. Backpack

Disclaimer: MINE! Written around, oh, say... April? May? Ish? Some year in high school.

I’ve been cheating on my pillow with my backpack.

Pillow found out and has been treating me coldly ever since. He’s threatening to leave—I don’t know what I’ll do! I can’t sleep without him, and now I’ve gone and messed the whole thing up.

I remember the first night I spent with Backpack. Oh how smart he was, so strong and so full. I didn’t realize I had spent the whole night until my alarm went off and I hadn’t seen Pillow at all.

It was like that the first few times—I’d be so engrossed in Backpack’s smooth talking that I’d lose all track of time. Then, slowly but surely, every time I was with Backpack, I’d think about Pillow. The late night meetings weren’t as fun, and all I could concentrate on was how Pillow had treated me. Pillow had been so kind, so nurturing, always supporting me and helping me relax after a long day. At first, Backpack was exciting, and could offer me the things Pillow couldn’t—trips to far away place, amazing pieces of trivia, sometimes even food and money!

But eventually he turned abusive. Oh the fool I was! I thought he truly cared! Really he is just a dead weight on my shoulders. He hounds me with his constant hunger, and keeps me from my family and friends. He even tells me what to wear when I’m around him. See, he can’t handle my bare shoulders, And the physical control! If I try to move him the wrong way—well, let’s just say I’ve got enough sore muscles and bruised limbs to last a lifetime.

Oh Pillow, why didn’t I stay with you? I was such a fool, could you ever take me back? I… I’ll find someway to break it off with Backpack. He’s leaving for three months soon anyways, and when he comes back… Don’t worry Pillow; nothing will ever come between us again.

1 comment:

Pastor Kay said...

From http://dailyconfession.com/displayfeatures.asp:
Body Pillow...

I have plotted and schemed to make my girlfriend (now wife) jealous for my own diabolical reasons (Side Note: I'm the Evil Twin, Bloo-Ha-Ha).

However, I am not satisfied that she be jealous of another woman, oh no! I have conspired to make her jealous of an inanimate object! Namely, Body Pillow!

I have often cold-shouldered her in favor of hugging my Body Pillow, I have arrived at her house with Body Pillow strapped in the front seat (upright position, of course. The personification of Body Pillow is most important in this maniacal scheme) and made her sit in the back.

I extol body pillow's virtues above her own, i.e.: "Body Pillow never nags me"; "Body Pillow like the way I dress"; "Body Pillow would never watch TV all night long".

When we moved into our new home together, I carried Body Pillow across the threshold. The pay-off is when she gets really angry and tosses Body Pillow around the room, baring her teeth and growling like a wild feral creature. Such lapses in common sense and decorum amuse me to no end!

Long live Body Pillow! BLOO-HA-HA! Ha.